So tonight ended with lots of tears. Most of which were about my dealing with heartbreak and being single each year of university. I just want someone to want me back instead of dealing with the constant heartbreak from people.
So although it’s likely that nobody is actually gonna read this because I’m hella inactive on Tumblr recently, I’m listening to one of my favourite musicals and just kinda want to post a reflective update on what’s been going on recently.
I’ve just finished my dissertation for my degree and I’ve never felt prouder of myself. Not only for writing 10,000 and actually finishing a project, but for dedicating it to everyone that has died from HIV and AIDS. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m hella passionate about raising awareness for HIV and AIDS, and I feel like this dissertation is the first step in becoming a real activist for the topic.
I also realised that I identify as non-binary (*insert rant about gender being an oppressive Marxist concept created by capitalism*) and the support I’ve received has been overwhelming. Except for my mum, of course. Truly iconic when she says that your profile picture on WhatsApp (which is me from Pride) is ‘fucking disgusting’.
lol love life has still been absent. Forever a single potato in dire need of cuddles and love.
So we’re going to see Everybody’s Talking About Jamie as a course, and I’ve decided that I’m gonna go in a totally gender bent outfit with my makeup done up. The last time I saw it was when I started questioning my gender identity and want to show to them how much they have helped me. They were all so humble at stage door and want them to know the impact they have on people’s lives.
So I’ve come to the realisation that my crush won’t actually ever like me back and it’s fucking me up. Like, you invest so much of your time and thoughts in thinking of how great this person is and how much you would love to share so many special experiences with them, to suddenly be like ‘oh, okay, this can never happen’.
Like, my crush inspires me beyond belief to be a better person and I think they are a true inspiration to be around, but I guess it can only be from a certain distance apart.
I’m even more so tempted to get the Origins of Love tattoo from Hedwig because I ultimately am searching for another soul to become one with and I kinda hoped they would be it. Alas, that isn’t the case.
At least I’m now considering writing a song cycle about unrequited love, because I know a hell of a lot about it.
So last night a guy came over and we ended up having a bit of *fun* because lord knows my depression is being a bitch so I’ll accept any form of validation and affection atm.
Anyway, you know that scene in Perks where Sam rubs her hand on Charlie’s thigh and he kinda freaks a bit? That ended up happening.
Like, I just sorta freaked and [GRAPHIC DISCLAIMER] immediately lost my erection. I don’t know why it happened - it sorta happened as a natural reaction - and now I’m questioning wtf has happened for it to of happened.
I feel like being angsty and emo by posting a bunch of reasons why I like my crush lol might do it when I finish work to get it off my chest because it’s slowly killing me atm
